


Sniped

by noahcomemidnight



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Fanboy Phil Coulson, I Don't Even Know, Inspired By Tumblr, Teen Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has A Heart, aggressive bidding, can the avengers just be happy please thanks, captain america memorabilia, ebay, sniping each other on ebay, tony stark being a cool dude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-07 01:52:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18228320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahcomemidnight/pseuds/noahcomemidnight
Summary: Peter Parker wanted to throw himself into the sun, to put it mildly.The teen finds himself in a bidding war against user capsshield on eBay for all of the limited edition Captain America memorabilia available... + the bitch just stole his lunchbox!





	Sniped

**Author's Note:**

> based off of the 'please, I need these commemorative Captain America and Bucky Barnes salt + pepper shakers' panel + the ensuing tumblr post. if you haven't seen it, it's iconic.
> 
> also this was made for kicks + giggles so I don't plan on building anything else off of this.

Peter Parker wanted to throw himself into the sun, to put it mildly.

For weeks, he’d been on eBay scoping out the Limited Edition 1947 Captain America Lunch Box. The thing was stunning-- retro comic art of Captain America with gold foil trim? Peter would have died for it. As it was, he’d already bid up to more than he wanted to ask Mister Stark for. The billionaire had already helped him with a few other memorabilia items, and seemed amused with Peter’s obvious Captain America boner. The guy was his hero, and he worked on a team with him? It was his dream come true!

But he still wanted all of the limited edition merchandise being sold on eBay.

He’d begun his tirade a few years ago, but it had gotten more intense over the past year and a half when he’d begun being outbid by someone else. They would almost always snipe him at the last minute when he thought he’d won, and he learned to very much dislike capsshield and all that the person stood for.

And he’d just lost the lunch box to them.

Peter couldn’t help but yell out in anguish when he got the notification, startling Mister Stark, who had been working a few tables away from him in the lab. He wanted so badly to beat capsshield in their virtual battle for Captain America antiques, and also get his hands on that lunch box. 

He had to outfox capsshield at their own game, and that’s what he ended up doing. It worked for a while-- he’d snagged some Captain America cuff links (though he didn’t have a suit), a miniature replica of Cap’s shield (he didn’t want it as much; he just bought it to spite capsshield), a pair of socks, and a few rare trading cards. Unfortunately, Peter couldn’t keep his rival at bay for long, and they were back at it again with sniping each other on sales.

 

There had been one afternoon where Peter had been in the lounge at the Avengers base, tapping away in his StarkPad, when one of the head G-Man S.H.I.E.L.D Agents, Phil Coulson, approached. He raised a brow in Peter’s direction, before scrolling through his own phone and speaking.

“Any idea where Stark is?”

“Probably in the lab.”

Peter placed his bid for the commemorative Captain America and Bucky Barnes salt and pepper shakers, and, much to his frustration, capsshield immediately outbid him. He scowled and raised the price, just as Mister Stark approached the living area.

“What can I do for you, Coulson?”

“Fury wants a report on the surveillance system.”

“You’ll get it when you get it.” Mister Stark waved him off, before glancing over at Peter. “Why the scowl, kid? Someone steal a hankie or something?”

“Commemorative salt and pepper shakers.” Peter muttered, glancing up to find Agent Coulson stiffen significantly. He didn’t really portray any emotion, but thanks to his slightly more alert eyes, Peter knew something was up.

“Americasgoldenboy1945?”

Peter blinked, and he stood up faster than he’d intended.

“You’re capsshield?!”

They just stood there, staring at one another in complete shock. Had Peter known he was literally stealing things out of the hands of a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, he probably would have been more cautious. Even now, Peter felt a little bit worried of the consequences, before realising-- to hell with it! This man stole his goddamn 1947 limited edition Captain America lunchbox! There was no way he’d give it up… unless Peter had something he wanted.

“I’ll give you the miniature replica of Cap’s shield if you give me the lunchbox.”

Phil Coulson’s eyes squinted slightly as he considered.

“Throw in a pair of socks and you have a deal.”


End file.
